Frequently Axed Questions...

Frequently Axed Questions

Who?	A man with a plan. Someone with some bling, esteem, and hoes to boot (or slap).
What?	Not just anyone. You gotta have what it takes. Despicable, amoral, and often of the devil worship variety.
Where?	Anytown, anyplace, anywhere... except maybe Salt Lake City.
When?	Typically when it's dark. Works out better that way somehow.
Why?	Because you just gots to get paid.
How?	By talking the big bling and keeping your staff in check... your staff and your staff, actually.
Huh?	That's right. Now you get it.
What races are the pictures on the front page?	Races? I don't know how to answer that. The pictures on the front page are drawn... badly. Pimps, hoes and cops can be all colors. Red, white, green, black, blue and often times spotted.
Daddy, can I be a ho?	Shit girl, if you are asking that question, you already know the answer.
Where did you get that fine feather boa?	Took it from my old lady when she was sleeping. Now hush your mouth.
Is this site for real?	Do you ask your pastor if his church is real? You're here aren't you? The facts and pimps are all black and white. This information is not for those of little faith, it's for true believers.
How can you publish something so offensive to women?	It's not offensive to women, not even hoes. It's only offensive to bitches. If you are offended by it, I apologize that you are a bitch, but there is nothing I can do about that, now is there? Bitch?
Are you guys all woman haters?	Of course not, now shut up and suck it.
What are pimps made out of?	They are actually stitched from the fabric of the universe, lined with golden silk and fluffed daily.

Glossary

Ax/Axed	An interrogative. "Did you ax him why you were under arrest?" "No, I didn't axed him anything, he was too busy clubbing me like a baby seal."
Crime	Getting caught.
Critical but stable condition	Man who tries not to pay for his action.
Full Price	Undercover cop.
Fully Loaded	1) With all the options. 2) High as a kite, unable to speak intelligibly.
Gat	My nine. My concealed insurance policy. My ratta-tat-tat, you's a dead mutha now.
Gumby & Pokey	Toothless oral sex.
Happy Meal	Two dollars worth of oral sex.
Ho Wavo Ranchero	Latin Brothel.
John	He the dude, now go get your money.
Knockin'	I stole your ho.
Money Shot	Dangerous act, cosmetically. Don't you get none in her eye.
Needle Dick	Needle dick.
Peeled	Losing the whole ho gander.
Pretty Young Thing	Life in prison or a dirty old skank when the jailbait is already out on lease.
Rape	1) When a ho doesn't give all her money up to the pimp.
Retired	Five to ten with credit for time served.
Rocks	Type of street currency, better than cash, spends quicker too.
Slumber party	Three or more girls, eight or more hours, rather pricey.
Square	1) Anyone not actively involved in the sex industry. 2) Anyone asking for a receipt or trying to pay with a check.
Sushi	John who no speaka englisha.
Swallow	For girls too green to gurgle.
Theft	1) Trick who takes more than eight minutes. 2) Dudes trying to pay with Canadian money.
Track	A nice place to go for a really, really slow walk. Also a good place for men and women to meet. Like a sinlgles bar, but a stretch of roadway, more straightforward, and these are hookers.
Trick	To outsiders it's the act. To insiders it's the John, to silly rabbits it's a cereal. Shut up.
Turning out	Helping a slutterfly emerge from her skankacoon.
Uptown	Coke for ass instead of cash.
Vice	A sweet, sweet virtue.
Vice Cop	A 32 year old dressed like a teenager looking to "score some of the marijuana joint cigarettes."
Wet	Anything laced with PCP (weed, tobacco, colonic, etc).